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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

ZOMGWTF! SRSLY? The Forever Lazy®


While wondering if I could re-gift my unused Snuggie for the annual Xmas party at the Day Job, I ran into something that words could not contain—the Snuggie's slightly grungy, unwashed, house-bound loser brother—the Forever Lazy®. Yes, it is what it looks like. Yes, it is a onesie, complete with booties for an adult human being, complete with a "flap" that opens so you don't ever have to leave its womb-like cocoon of soothing fleece.

Now, I'm a really lazy person. Seriously. I want to take a nap just expending the effort to write this. And I'm also writing this in the comfort of my own cold house while wearing PJ bottoms, an Evil Dead shirt with holes in it, a sweatshirt that smells vaguely of eau-de-dog, and mismatching fuzzy socks.

This however, is several steps up from a onesie.

I also thought that it wasn't possible that I'd ever see someone in this thing. Especially not out in public, where my retinas would be seared by the very sight of the Forever Lazy® in all its fleecy, Lovecraftian-things-from-the-dark kind of glory. How very wrong I was.

While at the Le Target, I saw the Thing Which Must Not Be Named. The woman walking toward me was maybe 30 to 40-years-old, with her makeup done quite artfully, and her bleached blonde hair styled up in a faux-messy do, which managed to look stylish in a I-don't-care-about-the-status-quo kind of way. My first thought was, "Please be a track suit, please, please be a velour, leopard print track suit." But it wasn't.

It wasn't.

Not only was it a leopard print onesie, but the woman had a matching leopard print purse which blended in with the onesie, making her look like she had some strange Total Recall twin-brother growth on her side—but in leopard print. I'm sure that actual leopards would run weeping from the sight.

As she passed by me I had to repress both the urge to turn and look at her to see if the bum-flap was there, and the very sight from my memory. 

Here's to hoping I'm mauled by rabid leopards before I see that again.

And if you weren't scarred for life by the picture, here is the TV ad:




3 Comments:

At December 21, 2011 at 2:14 PM , Blogger Carmen said...

Oh dear. I appreciate what they're trying to do, but a butt-flap? Seriously? Even if I were to wear this over-sized onesie, I would (a) ask how you're supposed to lower your underwear after unzipping said butt-flap, and (b) well, be too weirded out to use the butt-flap in the first place. I won't judge people who use it in the privacy of their own home, but if I see you out in public with it: I judge you. I judge you harshly.

 
At December 21, 2011 at 10:40 PM , Blogger B.C. Matthews said...

If you've given up on life and are wearing the Forever Lazy, chances are that you're not wearing underoos anyway...

 
At January 15, 2012 at 10:31 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! Just Wow.

-Erin

 

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