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Saturday, February 11, 2012

Procrastination: Looking Forward to Tomorrow's Tomorrow...Tomorrow

My mother claims that I hold the honorary title of World's Worst Procrastinator, and seeing as I've neglected to place my car's registration sticker on my license plate for the past four months now, I have to wonder if she's right.

If it involves cleaning, I'll generally ignore it until it becomes something filmy, green, or just reaching the point in its dirty evolution to where it develops sentience. I'm pretty sure some of my dishes have slithered off into some Stygian nether realm after becoming self aware. Sometimes I ignore my writing goals, insisting that I need to clean, and I'll ignore the cleaning in order to do something else that I've been putting off: watching a buttload of Netflix. Hey, those Die Hard movies I've seen a zillion times can't wait, all right? What if Bruce Willis decides not to throw a poorly German and American-accented Alan Rickman off of a 30 story building?

Yippee ki yay. (Looking up how to spell this just literally sent me on a 30-min journey of YouTubing the Worst Movie Edits for TV).

Hey, I'll tell myself it's "research" if I jump on the internet to look up bits of Greek mythology, or anything else that interests me, which then swirls into an inevitable "Wikipedia hole" where I've somehow arrived at reading about "size shifting sexual fetishes" and I have no idea how it happened, because I didn't even start on Wikipedia. I'm convinced the entire internet is Wikipedia, and we just don't know it. Wikipedia will eat SkyNet.

The only way I can combat procrastination is by making lists. At the Day Job, I've been teased more than once for my excessive love for all things Post-It Note related, which I like to peel off the computer and cross out before I toss in it in the garbage. Lists of things shift my brain from "I should've done something important today" to "I have to cross out at least two things on the list." On the weekends, one of them is inevitably "get up before noon" as well as "wear something besides PJs" and "go outside so you remember what the glowing orb in the sky looks like."

When I wrote my very first novel, the only way I made it through to The End was by setting up an Excel spreadsheet with daily and weekly word count numbers. I would often stare at the days where I'd been less productive, and I tried to make up for it in the weekly total by trying to push out more words the next day. As I'm a very visual person with a chaotic 'creative' brain, the ordered world of bulleted lists and numbers and spreadsheets shifts the lazy (see: 'creative') part of my mind into gear.  

Sometimes I have to bribe or otherwise trick myself into getting stuff done. Like "you can't look at The Evil Facebook Timesuck until you get XYZ done," or "you can eat that cupcake after you clean the bathroom."

That reminds me...the soap scum in my shower is starting to develop a rudimentary language.

Oh right, I forgot to mention that today's topic is brought to you by the Merry-Go-Round Blog Tour, makers of such products as...eh, I'm too lazy to find out. Each month, MGR will take you on a tour of eighty-billion authors blogs (warning: number is grossly inflated) from all parts of the world, writing in a variety of genres. Check out my predecessor this month: LC Aisling.   



At February 20, 2012 at 6:59 PM , Blogger Leah said...

I'm finding myself in writing procrastination mode right now. Sometimes you just need to sit down and tell yourself you can't get up to do anything (even go to the bathroom) until you at least have a solid paragraph (what I'm writing is much shorter in length than a novel). A full bladder is a surprisingly good motivator.

At February 21, 2012 at 5:24 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's my plan for world domination: My soap scum gets together with your soap scum, they cross-pollinate (or whatever scum does... I'll look it up on Wikipedia), and soon enough we'll have Super-Scum. The world will be ruled by semi-intelligent soap scum!

At February 23, 2012 at 7:23 PM , Blogger B.C. Matthews said...

@ D.Anthony

I think we should look it up on Wikipedia and then take a nap...Hopefully, the semi-sentient Super Scum will have had time to do the soap scum version of the horizontal tango and multiply while humanity is dreaming its soap-scumless dreams. I like this plan! We should work on it more...after the nap.

At February 23, 2012 at 7:29 PM , Blogger B.C. Matthews said...

@ Leah

I find my Dr. Pepper-filled bladder to be more distracting than helpful. And because I'm so good at procrastinating I'd probably just wind up weeing in the empty Dr. Pepper bottle or something. (Okay, not really). I'm actually annoyed when I have something good going when I'm writing and I have to interrupt it to go to the bathroom.

At March 10, 2012 at 8:55 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just when I got over my fear of Sky Net, you tell me I have to fear Wikipedia? Good thing I've been practicing being a drone for all things electronic for the past 20+ years of my life!


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